Tuesday, 24 November 2015

An introduction to Square Peg Mum

My first blog I'm trying to find my inner monologue, sounds filthy! I better explain the name of my blog.
Square Peg Mum that's me, it's how I feel now and have felt since the day I became pregnant. During pregnancy I felt embarrassed by my ever growing belly, only at the very last month did I feel comfortable with its size, by then it was too late to embrace the whole pregnancy wardrobe that I should have treated myself to. Instead my maternity wardrobe consisted of 1 x pair of maternity jeans, which are still super comfortable these were definitely a good buy and 2 x maternity tops which are of equal value and are also still being worn!

In my quest to feel like the perfect Mother I eagerly enrolled me and my partner onto our local NCT course and the free NHS courses, you know so we got a rounded view of everything baby. I felt out of place at both of them. It was like I was sitting in some dream land, like a square peg being wedged into this perfectly moulded round hole of Motherhood that everyone was expecting from me.

Every pregnant lady loves a gym ball

There were 5 other couples on our NCT course, they all seemed around the same age as us. Deep down I wanted the 5 other ladies to be my new friends, I needed to chat and stuff cake in my mouth with ladies that understood me. I did not want to be sat in a cold hall on a Sunday morning learning about vaginas and wombs with 5 other Men I had never met before.
I remember one NCT class on breathing in labour. I was rolled onto a gym ball and my somewhat bewildered partner tried to lovingly stroke and rub my back with the instructor asking us to imagine a beach with waves crashing around us. All I could imagine was how ridiculous we all looked and thinking if I'm like this in labour rolling around on a ball probably imaging Skegness as it's the only beach I can seem to sum up in my imagination then this is hysterical. I laughed quietly to start with but by trying to pretend I wasn't laughing it quickly escalated into a full on roar of laughter, I was politely stared at by our very lovely instructor who looked somewhat bewildered, I left the room. I continued to laugh loudly, alone in the corridor. My better controlled other half clinging onto the gym ball amongst the 5 couples that seemingly wanted to learn this crap. I had paid for the NCT course so I was going to dam well enjoy it but I just can't pretend to fit into that round hole sometimes and a bit of the real me comes out.

I hope through this blog I can find my square hole or maybe it is changing to be a round hole after all. Who knows I'm already 7 months in and so much has changed!

Square Peg Mum



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